Coming Soon? Sarah’s first novel?
June 8, 2011
As Julie Bosman reported in The New York Times last week, it’s not enough for celebrities such as the Kardashian sisters and Snooki and someone named Lauren Conrad–sorry, I’m behind the curve–who is described on Wikipedia as a “celebutante”, to crowd real authors off the nonfiction bestseller list. Now they’re doing it to novelists.
William Morrow, (now a division of Rupert Murdoch’s Harper Collins, aka Sarah’s outfit), the once-respected publisher that will inflict upon us Bristol Palin’s “memoir” this summer, has announced that they’ll soon publish a “novel” by Kourtney, Kim and Khloe Kardashian.
It will follow in the rich literary tradition established by Snooki of Jersey Shore, whose first “novel,” A Shore Thing became a New York Times bestseller, although Snooki confessed to having read only three books in her life, none of them the one she ostensibly authored.
I don’t know Snooki–though I put in some hard time at the Jersey shore in the 1980’s, while researching Blind Faith–but I knew the father of the KKK girls, Bob Kardashian, from my even harder nine months at the OJ Simpson trial in 1995. Bob was one of OJ’s lesser lawyers, also his gofer and his bagman, as in literally carrying OJ’s bags. But he’s a story for another time.
The point here is how can Sarah sit back and let others cash in on an avenue of celebrity she herself hasn’t yet explored?
She can’t.
The obvious solution is for her to “write” a “novel.”
With apologies to Dreiser, Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Jack Kerouac, and the late William Styron and Norman Mailer, from whose friendship and guidance I benefited greatly, and such friends and acquaintances as Stephen Amidon, Craig Nova, E.L. Doctorow and Jim Shepard, among others–I’d advise Sarah to get off my nonfiction turf (where she’s worn out her welcome, as the failure of her second book showed) and take her fantasies and fabrications where they belong—-to the fiction list.
Her potential range is enormous.
She could “write” a geographically-centered novel such as James Michener’s Alaska:
Or historical fiction such as Paul Revere’s Ride, by David Hackett Fischer, although, like Sarah in Boston last week, he claimed his account was true. And at least he wrote it himself.
Given her familiarity with both states and her seemingly endless supply of ghostwriters, she could even start a series, like F.D. Caldwell, whose Alaska, Love Found Under the Stars will soon be followed by Arizona, An Adventure of Love.
Aiming higher, Sarah could try to emulate Margaret Truman, only daughter of President Harry Truman, who had authored for herself a series of 24 murder mystery books set in Washington, bearing such titles as Murder in the White House, Murder in the Supreme Court, Murder at the FBI.
Some suggested titles for Sarah’s series:
Murder at WalMart,
Murder at the Wasilla Library,
Murder (of a Neighbor) on Lake Lucille.
But I’m sure you have your own suggestions for subjects and titles for Sarah’s first (admitted) work of fiction.
Please feel free to share.
A suggestion to get you started:
A Tale of Two Babies
Posted in Joe McGinniss, Palin children, Sarah Palin, The Rogue, Todd Palin, Trig Palin, Uncategorized, Wasilla | 
Tags: craig nova, ernest hemingway, f.scott fitzgerald, fiction, harry truman, jack kerouac, james michener, jim shepard, kardashian, lake lucille, margaret truman, murder mystery, norman mailer, snooki, stephen amidon, theordore dreiser, william styron
75 Responses to “Coming Soon? Sarah’s first novel?”
Well, she can’t write “The Wayward Bus” because Steinbeck beat her to it.
I didn’t know YOU owned the non-fiction genre. My bad. I should stop writing my non-fiction memoir about life in Alaska, a wonderful time spent with honorable, loving friends. AK is one of the greatest places to grow up. There’s a reason Sarah wished to highlight the majesty of the land and adventure of the state. Sarah is strong-willed for a reason. It’s literally impossible to grow up here and NOT be. She grew up in an amazing, supportive environment filled with good friends and lots of laughs. If you cannot accept that as truth, then I’d suggest moving on with you life and stop rewriting people’s histories. I’m just happy that Sarah found a voice because in school, she was sooooo freaking shy she hardly said a word and blushed anytime she had to speak.
She’s already published her first work of fiction — Going Rogue.
The Wiki Conspiracy
A tale set in the early 21st century in which a dedicated group of dominionist anarchists conspire over a long holiday weekend to rewrite American history and armed with volumes of print outs storm Washington on a Tuesday morning and overthrow the government installing as queen a second rate reality show and failed author from a small, arctic state as Queen.
The plot revolves around a small group of resistors who spend hours trying to edit the Wiki pages to restore the country to a democracy while the newly installed queen strips the rights of citizens by removing their citizenship, installing repressive laws against women, minorities, the socially and politically powerless.
Read the thrilling climax where millions of disenfranchised former citizens go into hiding to avoid being turned into fertilizer to be used by Monsanto for their latest genetically modified crops.
Maybe that would be a good piece of fiction if it wasn’t so close to the truth
“Soooooo freaking shy she hardly said a word…”
If only she’d stayed that way.
Seriously, nobody “owns” the nonfiction genre. But at least I write my own books, I don’t pay ghostwriters to do it for me. I know many of the “good friends” she grew up with in Wasilla. They are sickened by what she’s become.
And do you know what? Anyplace is one of the greatest places to grow up, if you grew up happy. I’m glad you did. I just wonder why you’re so touchy now.
As for why Sarah “wished to highlight the majesty of the land and adventure of the state,” how about this: $2 million from TLC for parading her narcissism and pimping out her children.
If she cared about Alaska, why did she quit as governor?
–Joe
Apparently she found her voice because she has no clue of when to shut her mouth. So much for shyness.
Yes, of course. But I’m talking about marketing a book as fiction.
She claimed that one was factual. And it did contain fact. Yes, it did. It also contained much falsehood, but it was written as a memoir (i.e. nonfiction.)
This new horror is celebs being paid to put their names to what are, ostensibly, novels (i.e. works of fiction.)
See the difference?
–Joe
Considering the voice she found (and I mean tone, pitch, and word salad), I’m shocked that she didn’t bury that one and continue looking.
After campaigning hard and asking them to vote for her, after she SWORE an OATH to her state with her hand on a BIBLE, then she found a way to quit in order to go after the money. She is such a friggin fraud.
“A Tale of Two Babies”. Don’t tease Mr. McGinnis. 😉
Let’s see. I think her first novel logically should be The Holy Bible. (Which my own religious beliefs find value in because it’s a book of faith and kindness – but she and her Dominionist congregants and evangelicals have adulterated so that it might as well be in the bargain bin when they get hold of it. Where Sarah’s own ghost written books inevitably end up.) Except everywhere you see the name “Jesus” you should substitute “Sarah”. Her supporters will buy it in bulk. I promise.
She could also just sell a blank book. “My Life” by Sarah Palin. Nothing but blank sheets because there’s nothing to tell anyway. No there there…Alternate edition would be “My Life” by Sarah Palin with about 300 pages of verbs and nouns in no particular order. Just to confuse she could put in actual phrases here and there like “You betcha”, “Gotcha media”, “My Down Syndrome baby”, “Real Americans”, “Common sense conservatism”, “Ronald Reagan”, “God”, “Pitbull”, “Grizzly Mama”, “Founding Fathers”, “Bells” etc. Or whatever is scribbled on her palm the day she submits it to her publisher.
She could also just reprint “Frankenstein”. It’s Shelley’s work, but putting her name to someone else’s words is not a problem for her and she’s happy to take credit for someone else’s work. And it’s a story about a scary entity made up of parts that seem to be real when electrified, except it’s not. And the creation (in the original it’s a mad scientist. In her version it’s the press who sewed it all together) storms the village and causes a lot of damage and it’s not pretty.) That might be a good one for her.
Nooooooooooooo! Don’t give her any ideas. The fiction list is already crowded with these charlatans. Who are the idiots that buy this crap?
Talk To The Hand
The Caribou in the Freezer
My, What a Long Scarf You Have…
The Case of the Missing Reporters(s)
Run, Press, Run
That’s My Story and I’m Stickin’ To It.
In all seriousness, I’d like to see a REAL author write a fiction novel, a roman a clef, where the main character is Sarah Palin. I wouldn’t include any of the scandals that have actually happened, because that’s lawsuit-ville, but the earlier idea stated by Curious about the Dominionism movement, could be the way to go. Have the Sarah character be a true covert operative for them or something.
Hell, it doesn’t even have to be written about Alaska. Move it to the East Coast or something. Make it a mystery, have a few murders in there, with Sarah as the villain.
Well I was going to make a suggestion, but you cannot do better than your last one Joe.
At least not in MY opinion.
Palin writes fiction because her whole life has been nothing but a lie. I’m sickened by what our MSM has become for ratings and money. This INSECT ( tick) actually thinks she can dictate who she wants to run for POTUS, if in fact she dosen’t run. How in the name of God did a nut job like her get so much power and stardom? Any thing in Palin’s book is not fictional, all you have to do is reverse all her words and there’s the truth.
How bout a whole series – The Awesome Adventures of the Wasillabillies?
One would just have to be The Wasillabillies Magical Mystery Tour, where the intrepid Wasillabillies go on a bus tour and try to rewrite history for rill murkins. Word salad would be the language, and would appeal to palinbots, since they are the only ones who can decipher it.
I see you have attracted a “palin fairytale troll” (alaskanatheart), Joe.
Here’s a few more titles to get her started:
For Whom The (Taco) Bell Tolls
I, Wasillus
The Bonfire of the Inanities
Valley of the Trolls
The Absolutely True Diary of a Half-Time Governor
Are You There God? It’s Me Sarah
Diary of A Madwoman
She’s Come Undone (wait, nevermind, that’s already been done)
“A Tale of Two Babies”?!! Joe . . . . . . . .
Seriously, folks are usually happy when other people find their voice and go on to help people because of it. Even Hillary, who suffered through quite a campaign experience, went on to use her increased confidence and drive together with her values and compassion, to fight for the rights and lives of women around the world as Secretary of State. Women all around the globe admire Hillary and are inspired by her. Who has Sarah helped after she found her voice? Other than Sarah, I mean?
weeping for the trees!
Joe, while remaining on your nonfiction turf, although some might want to label it as fiction because it’s a story not to be believed, have you started on your second book about “the rogue”? If not, you might consider getting started as I am pretty sure this far-reaching tale will be the subject of MANY books to come. You would have the advantage over a lot of authors because you already know the backdrop, the players, etc.
My suggestion for your second book’s title would be “The Knave”.
IF she hardly said a word its not because she was shy.
its because she was hiding something and couldnt bare the thought of revailing it to others.
(i suggest the truth is probably found in that house she grew up in, you know the place that bizarre man has made a shrine to death).
and just because she finally found the right combination of medications doesnt magicaaly turn her into a “voice” anyone needs to hear.
cept maybe fools like you who probably send her money and btw……can anyone name ONE friend this woman has?
Finally watched the movie, “A Face In The Crowd.” I recommend watching it. I liked the ending.
Hmmm…, a Palin written book with the title, “The Tale of Two Babies” would fall under the category of ‘Fact’ not ‘Fiction’ , wouldn’t it?
Beth deris, I’m always trying to find bugs to compare that woman to, but I don’t like to insult too many bugs. Cockroach is overused and doesn’t quite fit her behavior (not that she’s not a cockroach). A tick is perfect. Nobody likes ticks. They suck the blood of others, grow fat on their stolen rewards, and are actually harmful to the health of their hosts. Thank you!
Personally, I would like to hear more stories about “blood libel” conspiracies hatched by evil libruls who are intent on thwarting a beautiful heroine – who incidentally has found the Fountain of Youth and who looks younger and sexier with each appearance – who traveled from one college to another in quest of an edjucashun so that she can single-handedly save her peaceful village from “gotcha journalists” and where she will convert all willing inhabitants to Dominionism, kill all who resist, nationalize Taco Bell, ban all news outlets, pass laws that “rill” hair will be covered by wigs, all men will be emasculated, no women or girls will be allowed to be prettier than the Queen and if any including the Queen’s off-spring attempt to do so, plastic surgeons will be on call 24/7, Flying Monkeys will get tax breaks to move to the village and will whine, moan and threaten in unison if their Queen is criticized by anyone, the library will contain only books by the Queen and can only be checked out with a generous donation to her QueenPAC, voting will be mandatory but only the Queen’s name will be on the ballot, any dissenters will have their photos posted around the village marked by cross-hairs and will be hunted down from helicopters emblazoned with patriotic slogans devoted to Her Royal Highness. It almost writes itself.
OH WAIT, this is supposed to be fiction! Well, whatever, this is the Queen’s story and she can change the meaning of fiction if she wants to because meanings don’t mean anything anyway, don’tcha know. Whatever the title of Sarah’s next literary classic, if the publisher would attach a free barf bag and also, too, a “rill” box of kleenex, sales would skyrocket.
Yes, Joe, I see the difference. But as far as I’m concerned, a ghostwritten work of fiction is a ghostwritten work of fiction. 🙂
According to Publisher’s Weekly, Palin’s second book had sold 797,955 books at the time of this report.
http://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/industry-news/publisher-news/article/46541-the-winning-game-2010-hardcovers-facts–figures-2011.html?page=2
Do you consider PW credible?
How many books does someone have to sell before you consider it a success?
By your reasoning Jon Stewart’s book was also a failure.
If your book sells 798K copies will it be a failure?
Joe, your hints are driving me bananas, when your book is still three months away.
I’ve long been frustrated that PalinPeytonPlace.com didn’t get the attention Next Chapter’s work deserved. At least that has changed.
I would LOVE it if that suggestion was a hint at what is in your new novel!!!
My Dear Friend Joe~
That comment was either $arah herself or Todd. None of us should waste our time with the Palinbots.
I know you’ve heard the phrase, “Don’t Feed the Trolls”?
The reason why is it encourages them.
They are sick, self serving, selfish idiots.
You and the regular community of commenter’s here are better than that.
Yes, it IS sickening when we have so many GREAT WRITERS who cannot get published!! This just goes to show that the dumbing down of America continues~ unabated.
I, personally, loves when Joe feeds the trolls because they usually joke on it. I LOVE his wit.
I’m sure Palin’s advance team is already working out their next money scam when she gets booted out of the GOP field for being too stupid to debate Bachmann, let alone Mittens.
Even leeches have a medical use, to suck blood out of new large bruises etc. Though most of us would shudder when a leech attatches itself. Even human leeches have their uses to someone.
Maybe a centipede, stink bug, or sow bug.
Sarah is useful to someone. Exactly who is really her puppetmaster, I don’t know for sure.
Murdoch and Ailes after all pay her for her contaminated and e-coli word salad.
If Her Heinous was strong-willed, she’d play by the rules and beat the “good ol’ boys” fair and square. She is nothing but an ignorant, grifting coward. She lies, cheats, and steals for the almighty buck and noteriety, all in the name of God.
Her “history” is well-documented backed up with FACT. You want to talk “rewrite?” Wait until the FACTS come out about Trig. She deserves everything that’s soon coming her way.
AlaskanatHeart:
June 8, 2011 at 4:10 am
“she was sooooo freaking shy she hardly said a word and blushed anytime she had to speak.”
Yeah, right, that is why they called her “SARAH BARACUDA”!
You pathetic Sara Palin cultist trolls do go out of your way to flaunt your ignorance and stupidity don’t you!
Joe,
I’m reading Fatal Vision. I think I read it years ago but wanted to read it again to get warmed up for “The Rogue”. I just started it but…GUILTY!
I used to read tons of True Crime books and I’m sure I’ve previously read Fatal Vision…but certain things screen guilty!
1) His minor wounds
2) that his wife’s face was battered so badly (a sign someone close the the person did the deed)
3) No Dr. takes a knife out of a wound, in the “field!!! He took it out to stab himself superficially
4) the little girl stabbed but tucked into her bed
5) the fake story taken straight from the Manson Family stories! PIG, Icepick, LSD, blond girl with long hair, 2 blk men
6) I’m not sure Manson was caught at the time but his was obviously trying to blame it on a Mason like cult.
Ok, so I’m just in the first few PAGES!!!
I cannot wait to read The Rogue!!!!
Thank you for mentioning my 50 U.S. States serial romance series in your article. (Signed) F.D. Caldwell
*scram*
and I agree the first “Freaking” comment was probably Sarah or some special snowflake close to her…Emails-Rouge!
Can’t wait. Joe you will probably be able to fit the Rogue under “True Crime” also, too, just sayin’!
*scream* lololol more coffee 4 me!
It sounds like “Brooklyn”. He/she’s always writing about how “happy” and “loving” and “tight-knit” the Palin family is…
…which is why they need 5 houses and two states among them, to maintain the “closeness”, doncha know?
I’ll never get that image of Willow pushing Piper’s face into the cake out of my mind. The Palins are nothing but routinely callous and cruel to each other, which makes my blood chill to think what their attitude is toward anyone outside the family.
Beat me to it. That was my first reaction when I read the headline.
Tick is perfect b/c she is a parasite! Or how about “hookworm” a internal parasite? Both being gross like her!
I also see the difference Joe. I knew what you were referring to, but just couldn’t resist. “Going Rogue” was like historical fiction: a few facts sprinkled through a fictional account of the history.
The scuttlebutt about Sarah Baracuda from her classmates?
A liar. Back stabber and tattler. Scratches. Whines and cries if she didn’t get her way. Cosied up to the male teachers, though she didn’t wear a water bra at that time.
Hey, Joe, that title (and theme) has been taken. It’s on Amazon and was written by a regular commenter on Palin’s Deceptions blog, “Dangerous” . He was convinced he knew the story behind the two babies, so he wrote his own novel about Palin. . .
I *LOVE* your suggestion for the first title of her new novel!!!
(Does that give us a hint of what’s to come in *YOUR* book? 🙂 )
How about, “My God-Given Rights” or “My Broken Heart – Persecuted, and Misunderstood”
BTW: Troll #1 up above: OF COURSE $arah was quiet in school – SHE DID NOT KNOW ANY ANSWERS! She was too dumb to learn, and was probably only promoted to the next level because her dad was a ‘teacher’ (I call him that very loosely, but I guess officially that was his title…)
Too bad “American Psycho” is taken.
No way. Never again. Life is too short.
–Joe
How about “Yappy Daze”?
Sullivan calls it a work of magical realism – I like that.
and how many of princess sparkleburst’s books were bought in bulk, by buybull thumping “tax exempt” religious organizations, skippy?
How about “The Audacity of a Dope”?
Isn’t there a recently coined genre called “faction”? I think that SP’s ghost writings all fall into that category.
Her second book is considered a failure because her first book sold over two million copies. Some successes are hard to duplicate certainly. But considering Palin is the entire selling point for her books, it’s pretty clear her star has fallen.
Or perhaps it was never that high to begin with. How many of those two million plus book buyers were fact-checking journalists, gag gift buyers and bulk purchases from private organizations?
Can the QVC product line be far behind? 😉
Well there is her movie The Undefeated, so going with that line of reasoning
“The Undefeated Rogue”
A cover with a Barechested Male Hunk pulling a heaving bosomed scantily clad Sarah (with a cross on her chest) into his arms., since all these politicians are baring their all for their sextexting . Seems to be the newest craze in political circles. In Isreal she can be pictured with the Star Of David, and the male will be wearing a yamulka and side locks.
A History of Sarah Palin Complaining About ‘Gotcha Questions’
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2011/06/sarah_palin.html#
I finally figured out Sarah Palins costume choices. Was watching a bit of country music on youtube, and some of the more garish outfits and big hairdo choices would fit in with her tastes in outfitting herself for her appearances.
Also listening to the voice text of the young girl who was tossed from a “The-a-ter” in Austen Tx. sounds just as woefully ignorant as the Palin women, with all the obscenities that Bristol and Willow seem to throw around instead of real communication..
There seem to be a lot of this type of female out there.
Her following.
“Of Wasillian Bondage” the story of an Alaskan beauty queen who is inflicted by “got ya” questions from cruel reporters, finally finding a refuge from facts as a faith-based television evangelist who speaks gibberish when inspired by the Holy Spirit.
I like it. It is so possible.
Might be her folksy, word salad gibberish, is divinely inspired. Ya betcha bippy.
Also too bad that Nudie Cohn, the outfitter to many a legend in Hollywood is dead. He would have known how to dress Palin in the most outrageously patriot red white and blue with stars and stripes and loads of crosses.
He was a shameless self promoter himself. An Sarah is the Queen of Self Promoters. Another title for her first novel. “The Queen of Wasilla.”
He used to hand out dollar bills with his picture over George. And tell his customers when they were tired of looking at his face, they could take it off and spend it.
Perhpas Sarah could hand out monopoly money with her face on it at her appearances, good for a dollar off for her new novel.
Actually she would make a mint and she could get plenty of ghosts just like Snooki, who simply told the ghost what her characters should be named, and what their job was, then flip through what was written and say if she liked it or didn’t. No bones about how little Snooki did on HER opus magnus.
Palin couln’t even allow her ghost on her first memoir to get more than token credit.
How about a few nonfiction, how-to, Palin book titles?
Milk the Whole Dairy, Not Just the Cow
Fence Building for Dummies
Jack Up the Bus: How to Fit More Bodies Under It
100 Ways to Get Rid of a Nosy Neighbor
How to Talk a Juvenile Judge Into Anything
Industrial Compliant Home Design
How to Control the Media Without Really Trying
American History for REAL Dummies
In case y’all did not know this, the book of all blank pages from Sarah’s mind was published back in 2009:
http://www.amazon.com/Going-Rouge-Candid-Political-Conservative/dp/1449587941/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1307565621&sr=1-3
Me, I prefer 212,000 words.
Or, The Audacity of Hoax? But that would be non-fiction.
Willow’s memoir has already been aired on IM. It goes like this: yep. hadda good time. smack smack smack [chewing gum while memorializing self] wiped out. wiped out again. yep. hadda good time. didn’t learn anything hadda good time smack smack yep smack smack smack. The End.
mary b, nope, that was no Palin. The sentences all contain subjects, verbs and objects and follow each other in a logical stream. There are no misspelled words, punctuation is all in order. Someone wrote it for her/him/them.
Face In Cake is absolutely the icon for the Palin family dynamic. You nailed it.
The WGE would have long since sued if any of those stories were false rumor.
I love your titles, Floyd. Very creative!
“How to Roll Over Friends and Blackmail People”
– The House That Todd (and his buddies) Built
– Agrift!
– And the ever popular – The Lyin’, The Witch, and The Wardrobe
Is that you Sarah? My money is on yes it is. How’s that e-maily thing going for ya? Just two days away. Perhaps there will be more e-mails from the Human Resources Department asking for your son’s birth certificate. Perhaps we will see an e-mail where you decline coverage for the little fellow, because, after all, you can have him covered elsewhere.
It has been my experience in life that if you wait long enough, you find out everything. Well, Sarah, I have time and I am waiting. One day, we will all know everything. You cannot keep a secret forever, especially when more than two people know that secret.
I hope you ran the spell check before you sent your e-mails Sarah, or that may be the story of the week. And if it is, you can be glad because the media will then forget all about Paul Revere ringing the bells and firing the warning shots. Then again, Ed Rollins might decide to appear on all the political and talk shows again to point out your spelling errors, and say, in nicer words than mine, that a box of rocks knows more than you do.
I firmly believe that if you are in Sarah’s world, as you had to have been to write the book, you cannot escape the demons. Sarah’s demons; and she has a lot of them. I hope this blog helps you to exorcise the demons Joe. And a nice walk in the woods with your Oslo is always a good thing. I hope you gave the big fellow a big steak after his night away.